Finally!!!

I'm not exactly BFF with God. I mean, I'm not a Satanist or anything but I was raised celebrating Easter mostly for the Cadbury mini-eggs (I also once made a blasphemous Jesus dessert out of Sara Lee pound cake). I take His name in vain all the time, and I usually give him the middle name "Fucking." Signs generally point to me not being God's favorite.

But if He made these, then I know He loves me.





My only issue is that their judgy slogan suggests it's not normal that I already live in my pajamas and sleep in my jeans. I'd love to be able to sleep in my jeans without waking to find that they'd loosened to M.C. Hammer proportions, making me instantly appear 15 lbs heavier.

Anyway, here’s my master plan: You guys all click on this link as many times as you can, and the Pajama Jeans web dudes (who I think look like Bill S. Preston and Ted Theodore Logan) check their referrals and are like, “Whoa! Look at all the traffic we’re getting from this site. We are... Wyld Stallyns!!!” And then after they jam for awhile they come here and see this post and are like, “We need to send this girl some pajama jeans, pronto!”

And if they don’t immediately think that, then maybe they will after they read this list of other sure-fire moneymakers I just came up with:

Sweatpants evening gown (“Sweatpants you drink champagne in, a black tie gown you watch Hoarders in.”)

Cheez-It belt (“Cheez-Its you wear, a belt you can eat!”)

Spanx boots, aka “Spankles” (“Spanx for your cankles, boots that you can't get off no matter how hard you try!”)

Goose down flak jacket (“Armor you can cuddle, shrapnel you can feel.”)

Seriously, though I NEED PAJAMA JEANS. And I am trademarking "Spankles" right after I post this, because that is a gold mine right there.