Faux Boyfriend of the Week

None of the guys that I’ve dated have ever known their way around the kitchen, or should I say they haven’t stuck around long enough to show me their culinary skills. Sure, some of them had some mad skills in the bedroom, but when it came to cooking, it was a sad, sad display.

I enjoy cooking, and I’m pretty good at it. It would be nice, however, to find a dude that could cook something other than a hot pocket.

Enter my Faux Boyfriend of the Week:



Yes, I know that he’s gotten a little doughy lately, but guess what? I don’t care. I love it. I’ve never been one to discriminate when it comes to weight, although some guys have discriminated me on my weight. To them I say FUCK YOU!

I used to tune into Food 911 years ago. It was always hilarious to see all those women doll themselves up. They all had the same dream that I did: that Tyler Florence would cook them a meal and then molest them over the dining room table. Ahh, dare to dream.