Potential Mood Killers

Many women out there have a number of irrational fears about men and how picky they are. I've heard plenty of my girlfriends say things like, "If you don't put on your pants and leave now, I'm going to press charges." Other, less litigious women say things like, "I wanted to invite him back home, but my house is such a mess!" To which men say: "Do you have boobs? Then he won't notice."

However, there are a few things that are dealbreakers. Here are a list of things – in increasing order – that might kill the mood, were you bringing some dude over to your place for the 8 second pantsless rodeo.

- Piles of dirty laundry
- Precious Moments figurines
- Above-ground swimming pool*
- More than 4 cats
- Shrieking wraiths indicating place was built on ancient Indian burial ground
- More than 8 cats
- Bookshelf with Eat Pray Love on it
- Guy in a gimp mask chained to the radiator
- Creepy collage of pictures of the guy you've invited over with his eyes scratched out in every picture
- Basement dungeon
- House-encompassing collection of porcelain dolls arranged in strange patterns, like pentagrams - Pile of dead hobos
- First-floor dungeon**
- Your angry, gun-wielding husband
- Your angrier, knife-wielding ex-husband
- Freezer full of internal organs/heads- Freezer with room for one more set of organs/severed head

* "Hi, White. Have you met Trash? You guys would be great together."
**When you're too lazy to hide your dungeon underground, you're trouble.